Wild Animals Can Be Masterful Present Givers – And Here’s One Gift I Would Love to Receive This Christmas.
On this Christmas morning, are you worried about selecting quite the right present for a loved one? I constantly strive, but wherever I look the suggestions flood in with unhelpful suggestions. No, I have no desire for a candle that smells like turkey, because we’ll be cooking the bird itself. Nor do I want a sunrise alarm clock, since I can leave the blinds works just fine. And I definitely don’t want a facial mask containing fish-derived collagen, as said DNA originates in milt. Were I seeking aquatic semen applied to my skin, I would go fishing.
Finding Ideas From the Natural World
So if you’re always looking for inspiration, I recommend: learn from wildlife. Humans didn’t invent gifting. This tradition has existed for over a hundred million years, well before humans appeared. With a little help by evolution, this has given wild animals plenty of time to master the art of giving. Heck, certain arachnids go so far as to wrap their offerings!
Leaving out exercise-related items and other products I don’t like, there are five main types of holiday presents: food, things for the home, jewelry, beauty products and clothing. The animal kingdom has them all covered.
Culinary Presents: From Protein Snacks to Gourmet Skewers
Brazilian cuckoos give their partners high-protein snacks such as bugs, amphibians, and reptiles. But if you prefer their meat skewered, then the great grey shrike, or Lanius excubitor. The males spear prey, such as bugs and rodents, on sharp thorns and branches crafting impromptu kebabs.
Certain insects gift their beaus salivary offerings, yet these are not just any spitballs. These are scorpionfly spitballs, crafted with only the finest saliva sourced from swollen salivary glands of only the fittest males. This offering is nutrient-dense, which is one reason females prefer males with big balls.
Another reason involves the fittest males produce the largest gifts. By "fit" I am not referring to “looks great in a leather jacket”, though that may be true. I refer to genetic fitness.
The gifts are given prior to mating, so by choosing the male with the largest gift, the female is also choosing superior genes. She then eats the gift during sex but terminates intercourse the moment it is finished. Bigger spitballs result in extended mating sessions, where the male transfers additional sperm and the female is unable to mate with anyone else. This clarifies why he bothers creating such an intricate present.
Nest-Building and Shiny Objects
Adélie penguins do not offer food, but they do give nesting materials. On the icy continent, their home, one cannot find a hardware shop, so the penguins must source their offerings from their surroundings. Each breeding season, males collect pebbles and start making a nest. These crucial components are rare, leading some opportunists to pilfer stones from their neighbours. But when a male presents a stone to a potential mate, it signals his readiness for commitment. Think of it as the penguin equivalent of a diamond ring. The rock is not worn, however. If she is interested, she accepts the pebble and adds it into the nest. Then, following some final adjustments, they are prepared to start their family.
Speaking of shiny things, corvids are masters in this department. There are many stories of people who made friends with wild crows and then been given metal caps, screws, fastenings and other shiny items. In one notable case, two people in Florida even received a bracelet with a diamond by a crow they fed regularly. This is particularly endearing since, whereas most animals give presents in the hope of scoring, crows seem to give simply for the joy of it.
The Ultimate Combination Gift: Sponges
Off the coast of Australia, dolphins have been spotted collecting pieces of sea sponge from the seabed and using them in fascinating manners. On occasion, while foraging for food, they wear the sponges on their beak to shield their skin. At other times, when male dolphins wish to court females, they don them as playful headwear before presenting them as presents.
In so doing, dolphins brilliantly combine two final categories of Christmas gift. Marine sponges are clothing and skincare. And if that’s not enough, when males give their sponge gifts, they often strike a U-shaped “banana pose” and play a little tune through their blowhole.
This is not the lackluster presents of domestic animals – like a cat leaving a deceased rodent in a hidden spot – or certain individuals. Dolphin presents are considerate, serve multiple uses, sustainably sourced and presented with flair. We can all learn from them. A famous singer may have said the only desire during the holidays is a loved one, however, my single holiday wish, it is to receive a sponge-hat-skin-protector from a cetacean who serenades me in a stylish manner.